Misc. B. S.
Centenary to Debut a Culinary Arts Program in 2023
April 8, 2022
Photo by Centenary College Marketing & Communication
To many Centenary students in recent months, it is no secret that the college is changing. From new dorms to the renovations to the FIT, there are a lot of controversial changes occurring on campus, and they aren’t going away anytime soon. However, with 2022 Corrington Award Recipient Jesus Christ’s visit to campus just over the horizon, there is a lot to do prior to his arrival. One of which is to invest in a culinary arts program.
“But Mackenzie,” you ask. “There is not one single person that has ever asked for this. What the hell is going on?” Or, “When did Jesus Christ get so invested in the culinary arts?” While you may be right that no person has ever asked for this, there is someone else’s judgment that you must consider.
“I am just so excited to finally get to share my cooking skills with the greater Centenary community,” said the James rat. “I’m not going to let my five-inch body get in the way of teaching the thing I love.”
As far as how this works for enrollment and registration, there are currently only four classes available to students in the Spring of . . .
The Real Scoop on the Freshman Who (Allegedly) Perished in the Tunnel
April 8, 2022
Photo by Phoebe Cragon
Following the flooding of the Crumley Garden Professorial Offices due to the malfunction of a snow machine on the set of Snow-pocalypse Gone Wrong, the campus community applauded CRAB’s wise decision to renovate the tunnel between Mickle I and the library into the new Steve Shelburne Memorial Department of Ancient and Modern Languages. The plan called for a complete transformation of the dank, dim space into a wing of offices for those who once resided on the third floor of the Jackson Welcome Center. Progress ground to a halt, however, when a cracked phone bearing a “Class of 2025” sticker was found deep in the bowels of the tunnel. While many were quick to assume that this find must be in some way connected to the tragic disappearance of a freshman three weeks ago, Chief Lifeguard Chris Holoman was quick to assure the campus community that there was no sign of foul play. The following voice memos recovered from the phone, released exclusively to The Conglomerate, tell a different story. We present transcriptions of these memos in their entirety in the hopes that our readers will be able to draw their own conclusions.
2:17 pm
[rustling]
2025: Is this recording? I think… yeah. Okay. Hey, guys. I wanted to take a video… you know, like, make a cute little vlog? But it’s way too dark in here. I can’t see more than six feet in front of me. It’s… honestly a little creepy? That upperclassman told me this was a shortcut, but I’ve . . .
